the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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