I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
