My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I FOUND THE LEGS
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