Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
