you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
