Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He felt like a one man threesome
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just got carded by a ten year old.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
