I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
