i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
