dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
