The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
