i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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