so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
