Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
