i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
