Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
