Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
