I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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