I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
