I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
