u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
