I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
