mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
