I'm gonna have a badass scar
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
