sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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