i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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