This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
