Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
