Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
