yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
