i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize