So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
