my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize