aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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