I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
