Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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