just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize