this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
