was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
