I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
