you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
