Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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