One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
that may or may not have been my penis.
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