I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
