wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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