I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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