I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize