I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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