if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
