Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
