I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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