Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
where are my pants?
in the oven.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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