She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
