I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.