He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.