I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
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You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'