put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
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We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real