I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.