we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"