He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
