Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
