And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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