Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
