Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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