Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
