I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
