We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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