those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
