4 words: hood of his car
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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