is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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