I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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