I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
