the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
